He’s growing
I suppose that means in every way! He actually sits in the chair without wiggling and causing a scene! The sad news… the haircut is terrible and to the point of being embarrassing. He sat great the first time but not sure how it will be the second time around. hmmm…
Salads and HCG
When you can eat lettuce with chicken breasts and mustard as a dressing, meals start to look the same and feel a bit boring until you present them like this… A bigger bowl may help your body believe that you are eating lots and lots of shrubs. : ) I seriously loved this scene and wish you could have been here to see it!
a musical moment (again)
I could write so much every Thursday night but it would always say the same thing… it was amazing, the Spirit is so strong, my testimony was strengthened, I love to sing, the talent is fabulous, etc. BUT tonight we sang with the full orchestra and WOW. I almost couldn’t sing because I was holding back my tears-tears that spoke the truthfulness of the words we are singing, tears that couldn’t express what this music is doing for me, tears that testified of the Savior and the Atonement, tears that just meant I was so incredibly touched and moved.
If I could sit in a corner and observe I would feel blessed. The fact that I am a part of this is more than a blessing! I’m so excited to be a part of this choir.
And, I will say that every time I take on something new, something else gets put to the back burner in my life. I can only keep so many balls up in the air. We all come to a point in our life-several times in our lives-when you determine what to keep and what to let go. It is a process of molding, changing, learning, growing and understanding. Sometimes things will be important, sometimes they won’t. Seasons come and seasons go. I love that about my life-I don’t have to be doing the same thing and thinking the same thing with the same route forever. Change is good and it is the only thing constant in life!
narcissistic
I watched Julie & Julia yesterday. Let me tell you what a treat it was to sit on the couch, socks keeping my feet warm, house quiet. It was an indulgence that I was truly enjoying. I was reminded that I rarely take time to sit. Anyhow, the movie was wonderful-about food and writing. A great combination. I realized that I think like Julie. She was always so anxious to write. She wanted to appease her people (except I don’t have people). She loved to write. She loved to document. She loved to have commitments and stick to them. Her husband referred to her as narcissistic-Tim hasn’t said that yet but he did tell me that I needed to stop thinking the world wouldn’t go around if I didn’t pay attention to QCF or the blog. WHAT? People don’t need me? I could melt into the woodwork and nobody would notice? I don’t write for people, I write for me but in a weird sense that somebody is waiting to hear what I have to say… like my kids are sitting by the fire in their old age reading my stories and anxious to get to the next. It is a good feeling to be needed (even if you make it up yourself) and not a good feeling to NOT be needed. I try to write often, not to get far behind. Some months are better than others and some seasons are better than others. Sometimes I can’t stop talking and others I can’t think of what to say. This season and month happens to be a “not so much to say” type of month. I am busy and trying to juggle it all. I am always trying to find ways to cut back. But for now even though I am allowed to think that people need this-my writing- I know it isn’t true and so sitting back for a bit is fine. It doesn’t need to be on the to do list. It doesn’t need to be something that I am concerned about getting done.
I do want to take time to read, to walk, to listen and write when I can… : )
Our Easter Concert
Family and Friends,
Most of you now know that Zoe and I belong to the East Valley Mormon Choral Organization – or EVMCO. They held their inaugural concert in December and received very enthusiastic praise, I attended and it was amazing. They received feedback that speaks for itself, like "I had no idea!", "I’ll never miss another concert.", and "This really isn’t just another Mormon choir". After hearing the concert myself, I was determined to be part of something so amazing.
Our organization includes over 330 members, including an adult choir, a full symphony orchestra, and professional children’s and youth choruses. It is no exaggeration when I tell you that this is a serious professional organization, and perhaps, like nothing you’ve ever experienced before.
I would like to invite you to join us for our first concert of 2010, titled "That Easter Morn". The music is absolutely beautiful, and I know that you will want to make this concert a tradition during the Easter season.
Ticket prices range from $15 to $39 at the box office, and worth every dime. If you order online or by phone there are additional fees.
Please consider supporting this wonderful organization.
Tickets can be purchased by clicking this link:
http://www.mesaartscenter.com/index.php/performances/music/thateastermorn
Lisa
The best birthday song
This was a complete surprise to Minda, this personal birthday performance. We were at Brios and when he walked in, our server was a bit nervous, not knowing what he would do (like we would have Chip n Dales or something??) Anyhow, her face was the greatest, we never get to see her terribly embarrassed. It was a great song, he has a beautiful voice and all those sitting around us were quite entertained! Sorry for picture overkill but if you had to pick one, which one would it be?
Necklaces
I was prompted for this picture today due to the awesome necklace she was wearing. My friend Lettie made the necklace and was wanting a copy of this picture. (She is in the business of making these beauties-if your interested!) When I pulled it up, I remembered how I liked it! Lettie, your necklaces are super awesome! (so were your presents!)
What to eat
I got a note today from a fellow sufferer on the HCG, glad to know we suffer together. Tonight, it was comical… I ate crushed tomatoes, pureed with garlic and other seasons and added some ground turkey. I got the recipe from a friend who has completed HCG and she loved it-I did too.
I made macaroni and cheese for the kids. On HCG, one Melba Toast per meal (2 times a day) is permitted. I felt like I wanted to eat the whole box, like it was the most delicious thing until I finished making the mac n cheese. I REALLY wanted some of that!
Just like the 4 rolls and a blizzard, it is nothing I typically crave or want but see what happens when you deprive? I am hanging tight on my 10 pound loss-nothing more yet. I’m finished with the second phase on Sunday then I maintain. I will be back on dairy and more vegetables but still sticking away from breads, pastas and grains. I suppose having nuts, beans and diary in my diet will seem like a treat!
HCG and me
Let me tell you about a relationship I’m having. This relationship involves lots of sacrifice, starvation, self-control, and evaluation. I’m not even sure that this relationship is one of happiness (probably the opposite) but for some reason I am very devout and faithful to this relationship (until I snapped)…
Have you ever heard of HCG? Maybe I should stop now but I won’t because I don’t have to. : ) HCG is described HERE.
I started my relationship with HCG about 2 weeks ago or so. It was a last minute decision in order to help support Tim with his adventure on HCG. He told me, “Don’t do it for me,” but given the fact that a strict 500 calorie diet was required, I knew I needed to know something about it. When he was 30 seconds away from hitting purchase, I had him add me to the order. So, we started together. We ate together. Each afternoon, he came up from his dungeon and we had our 100 grams (weighed raw) of lean meat, one vegetable and one piece of melba toast together. In between meals, we used the drops as directed… 3 times per day, under the tongue, no food or drink 15 minutes before or after. After the first two binging days and then day one with restrictions, I knew I was in for something VERY difficult.
I couldn’t stop thinking about food. I suffered many headaches the first 4 days. I felt like my insides were going to eat my outsides. I wanted the scale to show a 10 pound drop after the first week as motivation to continue but no such luck. I started keeping a list of the things I wanted to eat so I wouldn’t forget-and to clear it from my mind. I planned my “graduation” day with an outing for breakfast, lunch and dinner and snacks between. By all means, I would have earned it, right?
Then, I we suffered through our Disneyland trip trying (and succeeding) to stay on track-passing on the churros and frozen bananas and anything else that tried to tempt us. We did stay in a hotel next to The Cheesecake Factory and had to truly evaluate what we wanted to do each night as the craving for something silky smooth, chocolaty and sweet would overcome us. I made it through eating Jack In The Box grilled chicken strips on a bed of lettuce using mustard as my dressing.
When I came back home, the scale read the same as the day I left. Let’s just say meltdown! Depressing!
I was determined to beat the dang thing. I couldn’t let that stop me. By day 15, I was down 10 pounds. It certainly wasn’t what I hoped for, given the challenge of staying on track. I wanted amazing results but 10 is better than none and I certainly wouldn’t lose 10 pounds doing a reasonable diet. : ) My mind started to think differently. I was OK, I was going to be OK. I was losing weight and it was just food. I was beginning to get accustomed to my 500 calories and feeling full (far from satisfied in the taste department). I also was totally clear on how a person on HCG could gain every ounce back after completion. I was clear about how much food helped me get through my day. I was clear on how much food was a part of a social life. Food is good.
Then the day came… Tim was leaving for Iceland and he knew he would have no control over the food. He needed to stop the second phase and move into the maintenance phase. With that, we decided to go out for dinner his last night home. And there you have my SNAPPING moment.
I knew Tim was done. I still had 7 more days on 500 calories. I was starving. STARVING. My apple for breakfast and a palm full of cubed chicken breast for lunch was not tiding me over-it was 5:30pm. We walked into Texas Roadhouse for some dinner. Tim had told me that we would enjoy dinner and not worry so much about HCG. (please understand that Tim had been the rule minder with this diet. He never ate more that 100g of meat, didn’t want to mix vegetables, etc.) In my head, not worry meant put me in a free zone, like I was hiding from HCG and I SNAPPED. But HCG didn’t see me right? They brought the basket of fresh rolls with their cinnamon butter and I said, “Tim, I am going to have one tonight.” He looked at me a bit concerned as he was plucking the cheese and croutons from his salad and pouring vinegar on for taste. I ate the roll, with the butter of course.. I ate a second roll, the same way. Tim asked me if he should say something and I told him I was ok. I ate the third roll. My meal came, bed of lettuce with grilled chicken. This time, I skipped the mustard and asked for honey mustard. I dipped my fork in the dressing then stabbed at my bites. It was delicious. I remembered what I avoided. I ate a fourth roll. Tim ate his roasted chicken-no dressing or sauce.
I smiled and told him, “Whatever the price I have to pay for this was totally worth it.” Bread has never tasted so good. Honey mustard has never tasted so good. But the price…
We went to the temple (Tim’s date night idea… who is he lately anyway?) and then as we headed out to the car, I asked him to take me to Dairy Queen. I don’t even eat Dairy Queen when I am NOT on HCG because I am aware of number of points in my Weight Watchers world. I ordered a blizzard with peanut butter cup. My favorite combination in the world is peanut butter and chocolate. Tim didn’t ask for any bites, I didn’t offer any.
I sat in the car not knowing what to do with myself. What happened, what happened that was so good but so bad? Why did I snap? Why did I think it was OK to eat 4 rolls and a blizzard in the same night, let alone the same week? It had been a long time since I had felt this stuffed, this bloated and unable to sit comfortably. I realized what was happening to my body. I started getting a headache. I started to remember why I wanted to lose weight. I remembered how it felt to over eat.
I woke up today in my bread and ice cream oblivion. I know it tasted so good. This morning I wasn’t hungry in the slightest. I went to church and upon return was still not hungry (I continued with the HCG drops pretending like the incident never happened). I took Tim to the airport and couldn’t think about food. I spent the afternoon watching movies with the kids and dozing in and out of sleep and still-no hunger. Is the diet actually working, I considered. This is what was supposed to be happening all along… no hunger. Dinner arrived and I made a huge pasta dish for my family, Lauren brought some delicious braided bread. There was cake and ice cream but I wanted none. I stuck to my salad with cubed chicken breast.
I am back on track with a week to go.
What happened was what I expected. I knew that deprivation was going to get the best of me. I knew that someday I would give in and wouldn’t be able to stop. I believe that I needed it because now, I am satisfied. I crossed off some of the foods on my list (like Oreo shake from drive thru).
I know there is a world of food out there and it is delicious but losing weight is far more important to me right now. I know that I am wanting exactly what I can’t have. I am picturing my day of graduation-it will be lovely. But, it will only be one day. I have to stick to my maintenance plan. You tell me I can’t have something and now I want it more than ever. All foods on the “banned” list are the foods I want. I understand how people like me can work so hard at dieting and then get back in square one. I have been here. I have been there. I start to think I have it all under control and I don’t. I start to think I know the program and I don’t. I start to think that if I have dieted/maintained for this long than I will be just fine. One “snap” leads to another then before you know if you are getting out your bucket of clothes you bucketed up because they were too big. ARGH!
But here I am again. I am determined to not be here.
Rainy Days and Mondays…
last week we made a visit to Disneyland, trying to put our annual passes to the very best use. We left on a Sunday afternoon and did Disneyland for Monday, Tuesday, and Wednesday. Well, it didn’t stop raining practically the whole time we were there. It made for a very wet and cold vacation BUT there were some perks to that… nobody was there. We went straight to the front and on the ride most of the time. By 2:00pm we were soaked and cold and ready to call it a day. The kids did much better than I thought they would.
I only pulled my camera out on the first day and then realized it was a lot to carry around if I wasn’t going to be using it so I left it buried and hidden in my suitcase at the hotel. There was so much rain on Mainstreet (mid calf) that the ducks were floating down Main Street, USA. That was a funny sight! We made a visit to Wal-Mart trying to find rain suits-NOT JUST A PONCHO but apparently all of CA wanted the same thing because Wal-Mart and Target were out. We bought rain boots for the kids and those too were out at most stores. Needless to say, Disneyland made a killing on ponchos. I asked one of the workers if Disneyland made enough money that day with the sales. He told me that basically the price of the poncho covers storage since they make so many and have to store them somewhere. WHAT? Oh well, lines or rain-which one do you want?
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