ahhh, I admit it, today I yelled-at Zane.  He was goofing off and I was trying to buckle him in the car seat… why always the car? 

I went to pick him up at 2:45 as I had planned and then realized once I got there that I didn’t have his car seat in the car so I had to turn back home and get the car seat.  (how did I survive growing up without a car seat?) By the time I grabbed the seat and strapped it in, I was running late to pick up Zoe and the gang from school.  Zane was busy giggling in the front seat because I couldn’t reach him.  I finally got my hands on him and put him in the seat-not in a gentle way.  He was still being a goof and was squirming to get out of my hold and the straps I was about to place on his shoulders.  I yelled.  I was late.  I wasn’t in control of my surroundings… uh-oh, red girls don’t love that… I was upset. It wasn’t my best moment.

He quickly knew I was serious and calmed long enough for me to fiddle with the buckle. 

Then to top off the afternoon, when I picked up Zoe she was anxious to get her homework started.  She wanted to work on it in the car-so she did.  (Of course she did, doesn’t she always somehow do what she wants to do?)  She got midway through it and realized it was more difficult than she expected.  I could feel it, something was going to happen… she ended up crying and throwing her writing utensil at the front seat.  Zane had fallen asleep so when we arrived at home I left Zoe in the car to take some deep breaths and get a hold of herself.  As I let the door shut behind me, I hear the sobbing escalate.  OK, I will give her a break, I mean really… we just got back from Disneyland and she is probably exhausted at her first day back to school after a 2 week break. 

I laid Zane down in his bed and Zoe came storming in the house, threw her papers on the floor in the hall, right in front of Zane’s door.  Zane woke up and also started to cry.  Zoe cried harder.  I picked up Zoe and carried her to her room and asked her to stay there until she could get a little rest and feel better.  It felt like a circus interview, “How well can you juggle THIS? and what about THIS?”  Just as I shut Zoe’s door, she comes out behind me, still sobbing.  I again put her in her room and this time held the door shut behind me-trying to keep her in there.  Yes, Zane is still crying in his room probably because he is half asleep.  All along, I am telling Zoe that when she is done crying, she can come and join me in the other room.  She is trying to convince me that she is done crying but can’t get the words out through her sobs.  She started to kick the door-not just once, several times.  At this point I question my job as a mother and wonder why I was not given any training for such a huge responsibility.  I entered Zoe’s room and laid on her bed next to her and kindly asked her to just rest until she can be pleasant.  She is begging me to NOT leave her room-I can barely stand being in her room.  I couldn’t decide if I should stay there and try and rest myself or excuse myself from the drama.  Then, Zane wandered into Zoe’s room crying and so confused about the whole situation.

Funny thing, Zoe and Zane recovered in minutes.  The crying stopped, Zoe apologized, Zane was clearly awake but I continued to lay on Zoe’s bed staring into Never Never Land (we didn’t visit that place in Disneyland, maybe I would have stayed) wishing that nobody would notice if I stayed there for a few hours and worked on being pleasant myself.  Yes, it was one of those moments.