Lisa Heuer

I was prompted for this picture today due to the awesome necklace she was wearing.  My friend Lettie made the necklace and was wanting a copy of this picture.  (She is in the business of making these beauties-if your interested!)  When I pulled it up, I remembered how I liked it!  Lettie, your necklaces are super awesome!  (so were your presents!)

I got a note today from a fellow sufferer on the HCG, glad to know we suffer together.  Tonight, it was comical…  I ate crushed tomatoes, pureed with garlic and other seasons and added some ground turkey.  I got the recipe from a friend who has completed HCG and she loved it-I did too.

I made macaroni and cheese for the kids.  On HCG, one Melba Toast per meal (2 times a day) is permitted.  I felt like I wanted to eat the whole box, like it was the most delicious thing until I finished making the mac n cheese.  I REALLY wanted some of that!

Just like the 4 rolls and a blizzard, it is nothing I typically crave or want but see what happens when you deprive?  I am hanging tight on my 10 pound loss-nothing more yet.  I’m finished with the second phase on Sunday then I maintain.  I will be back on dairy and more vegetables but still sticking away from breads, pastas and grains.  I suppose having nuts, beans and diary in my diet will seem like a treat!

Let me tell you about a relationship I’m having.  This relationship involves lots of sacrifice, starvation, self-control, and evaluation.  I’m not even sure that this relationship is one of happiness (probably the opposite) but for some reason I am very devout and faithful to this relationship (until I snapped)…

Have you ever heard of HCG?  Maybe I should stop now but I won’t because I don’t have to. : )  HCG is described HERE.

I started my relationship with HCG about 2 weeks ago or so.  It was a last minute decision in order to help support Tim with his adventure on HCG.  He told me, “Don’t do it for me,” but given the fact that a strict 500 calorie diet was required, I knew I needed to know something about it.  When he was 30 seconds away from hitting purchase, I had him add me to the order.  So, we started together.  We ate together.  Each afternoon, he came up from his dungeon and we had our 100 grams (weighed raw) of lean meat, one vegetable and one piece of melba toast together.  In between meals, we used the drops as directed… 3 times per day, under the tongue, no food or drink 15 minutes before or after.  After the first two binging days and then day one with restrictions, I knew I was in for something VERY difficult.

I couldn’t stop thinking about food.  I suffered many headaches the first 4 days.  I felt like my insides were going to eat my outsides.  I wanted the scale to show a 10 pound drop after the first week as motivation to continue but no such luck. I started keeping a list of the things I wanted to eat so I wouldn’t forget-and to clear it from my mind.  I planned my “graduation” day with an outing for breakfast, lunch and dinner and snacks between.  By all means, I would have earned it, right?

Then, I we suffered through our Disneyland trip trying (and succeeding) to stay on track-passing on the churros and frozen bananas and anything else that tried to tempt us.  We did stay in a hotel next to The Cheesecake Factory and had to truly evaluate what we wanted to do each night as the craving for something silky smooth, chocolaty and sweet would overcome us.  I made it through eating Jack In The Box grilled chicken strips on a bed of lettuce using mustard as my dressing.

When I came back home, the scale read the same as the day I left.  Let’s just say meltdown! Depressing!

I was determined to beat the dang thing.  I couldn’t let that stop me.  By day 15, I was down 10 pounds.  It certainly wasn’t what I hoped for, given the challenge of staying on track.  I wanted amazing results but 10 is better than none and I certainly wouldn’t lose 10 pounds doing a reasonable diet.  : )  My mind started to think differently.  I was OK, I was going to be OK.  I was losing weight and it was just food.  I was beginning to get accustomed to my 500 calories and feeling full (far from satisfied in the taste department).  I also was totally clear on how a person on HCG could gain every ounce back after completion.  I was clear about how much food helped me get through my day.  I was clear on how much food was a part of a social life.  Food is good.

Then the day came… Tim was leaving for Iceland and he knew he would have no control over the food.  He needed to stop the second phase and move into the maintenance phase.  With that, we decided to go out for dinner his last night home.  And there you have my SNAPPING moment.

I knew Tim was done.  I still had 7 more days on 500 calories.  I was starving.  STARVING.  My apple for breakfast and a palm full of cubed chicken breast for lunch was not tiding me over-it was 5:30pm.  We walked into Texas Roadhouse for some dinner.  Tim had told me that we would enjoy dinner and not worry so much about HCG.  (please understand that Tim had been the rule minder with this diet.  He never ate more that 100g of meat, didn’t want to mix vegetables, etc.)  In my head, not worry meant put me in a free zone, like I was hiding from HCG and I SNAPPED.  But HCG didn’t see me right?  They brought the basket of fresh rolls with their cinnamon butter and I said, “Tim, I am going to have one tonight.”  He looked at me a bit concerned as he was plucking the cheese and croutons from his salad and pouring vinegar on for taste.  I ate the roll, with the butter of course..  I ate a second roll, the same way.  Tim asked me if he should say something and I told him I was ok.  I ate the third roll.  My meal came, bed of lettuce with grilled chicken.  This time, I skipped the mustard and asked for honey mustard.  I dipped my fork in the dressing then stabbed at my bites.  It was delicious. I remembered what I avoided.  I ate a fourth roll. Tim ate his roasted chicken-no dressing or sauce.

I smiled and told him, “Whatever the price I have to pay for this was totally worth it.”  Bread has never tasted so good.  Honey mustard has never tasted so good.  But the price…

We went to the temple (Tim’s date night idea… who is he lately anyway?) and then as we headed out to the car, I asked him to take me to Dairy Queen.  I don’t even eat Dairy Queen when I am NOT on HCG because I am aware of number of points in my Weight Watchers world.  I ordered a blizzard with peanut butter cup.  My favorite combination in the world is peanut butter and chocolate.  Tim didn’t ask for any bites, I didn’t offer any. 

I sat in the car not knowing what to do with myself.  What happened, what happened that was so good but so bad?  Why did I snap?  Why did I think it was OK to eat 4 rolls and a blizzard in the same night, let alone the same week?  It had been a long time since I had felt this stuffed, this bloated and unable to sit comfortably.  I realized what was happening to my body.  I started getting a headache.  I started to remember why I wanted to lose weight.  I remembered how it felt to over eat.

I woke up today in my bread and ice cream oblivion.  I know it tasted so good.  This morning I wasn’t hungry in the slightest.  I went to church and upon return was still not hungry (I continued with the HCG drops pretending like the incident never happened).  I took Tim to the airport and couldn’t think about food.  I spent the afternoon watching movies with the kids and dozing in and out of sleep and still-no hunger.  Is the diet actually working, I considered.  This is what was supposed to be happening all along… no hunger.  Dinner arrived and I made a huge pasta dish for my family, Lauren brought some delicious braided bread.  There was cake and ice cream but I wanted none.  I stuck to my salad with cubed chicken breast.

I am back on track with a week to go.

What happened was what I expected.  I knew that deprivation was going to get the best of me.  I knew that someday I would give in and wouldn’t be able to stop.  I believe that I needed it because now, I am satisfied.  I crossed off some of the foods on my list (like Oreo shake from drive thru). 

I know there is a world of food out there and it is delicious but losing weight is far more important to me right now.  I know that I am wanting exactly what I can’t have.  I am picturing my day of graduation-it will be lovely.  But, it will only be one day.  I have to stick to my maintenance plan.  You tell me I can’t have something and now I want it more than ever.  All foods on the “banned” list are the foods I want.  I understand how people like me can work so hard at dieting and then get back in square one.  I have been here.  I have been there.  I start to think I have it all under control and I don’t.  I start to think I know the program and I don’t.  I start to think that if I have dieted/maintained for this long than I will be just fine.  One “snap” leads to another then before you know if you are getting out your bucket of clothes you bucketed up because they were too big.  ARGH!

But here I am again.  I am determined to not be here.

last week we made a visit to Disneyland, trying to put our annual passes to the very best use.  We left on a Sunday afternoon and did Disneyland for Monday, Tuesday, and Wednesday.  Well, it didn’t stop raining practically the whole time we were there.  It made for a very wet and cold vacation BUT there were some perks to that… nobody was there.  We went straight to the front and on the ride most of the time.  By 2:00pm we were soaked and cold and ready to call it a day.  The kids did much better than I thought they would.

I only pulled my camera out on the first day and then realized it was a lot to carry around if I wasn’t going to be using it so I left it buried and hidden in my suitcase at the hotel.  There was so much rain on Mainstreet (mid calf) that the ducks were floating down Main Street, USA.  That was a funny sight!  We made a visit to Wal-Mart trying to find rain suits-NOT JUST A PONCHO but apparently all of CA wanted the same thing because Wal-Mart and Target were out.  We bought rain boots for the kids and those too were out at most stores.  Needless to say, Disneyland made a killing on ponchos.  I asked one of the workers if Disneyland made enough money that day with the sales.  He told me that basically the price of the poncho covers storage since they make so many and have to store them somewhere.  WHAT?  Oh well, lines or rain-which one do you want?

I just have to share it, write it, note it, keep it, remember it, love it, bottle it, and cherish it…  I just got back from night 2 of my choir practice.  It is the most amazing experience a mother of two, stay at home mom, not a master of fine arts, unaccomplished musician could hope for.  The director is incredible and has a huge vision.  I feel so blessed to be part of this choir.  When I thought it wasn’t going to work out (getting an audition), I put it in the Lord’s hands and figured if it was meant to be, it would work.  It worked at the very last millisecond of the moment-but I wasn’t surprised now that I know what this is going to be.  I am right where I need to be.  I need this probably more than I have needed something in a long while.  I am completely filled with the Holy Spirit when we sing, the music moves me, the words are prayerful and I am many times overcome at what I feel at our rehearsal.  We are about 120 strong and when he asks us to give it all we’ve got, we sound like gazillions strong.  These talented men running the show have skill, talent and gifts like no other music director/program that I have ever been part of.  The people are wonderful, the girls that sit next to me are awesome, funny and so kind.  We are listening to one another, sharing what we have with one another, working hard to blend with one another and the work that goes into the performance will be well worth it.

Our performance is on March 5th at the Mesa Arts Center and the tickets go on sale February 1st.  I am going to tell everyone I know about it.  If others are as inspired as I was at the Christmas concert then it will be a worthwhile experience. 

I acknowledge His hand in this, He lives.  I truly am humbled and blessed beyond measure to have music in my life-now weekly, at a level that I never thought I would have at this point in my life…

We learn best to listen to our own voices if we are listening at the same time to other women-whose stories, for all our differences, turn out, if we listen well, to be our stories also. ~Barbara Deming

When one’s own problems are unsolvable and all best efforts are frustrated, it is lifesaving to listen to other people’s problems.  ~Suzanne Massie

You can never be totally settled as an actor or artist or musician.  You have to keep the fire under you because that’s what makes you better.  ~Reese Withersppon

Don’t sit down and wait for the opportunities to come; you have to get up and make them.                      ~Madam C. J. Walker

P.S. one more great reason to be at choir… : ) I have had 4 compliments on this Monchichi hair.  What is happening?  Seriously, what is happening?  Here I am, so self conscious of my mangled head of hair and people are reaching out and sharing such kind words.  Tonight was the best one yet, “you have great hair!  It matches who you are, so sparkly (yep, he used that word), and your face…”  I turned red-how do you reply to that?  So embarrassed I said simply,  “thank you so much-I am struggling with growing it out and I’m not loving it so thanks for the boost.”  He said, “well, it is a great hair style.”  Last week when I sat down, the 3 girls in front of me one by one turned around and told me how they love my hair. (I am putting this small, like I am whispering (is it working?) because I am embarrassed but so ecstatic at the same time.  Who doesn’t love a compliment?  Maybe it was every member’s assignment to say something nice to a new member but I will take it any way and it definitely made my day!)  Needless to say, I was beaming from ear to ear.  I thought (for a brief moment) that maybe it wasn’t so bad afterall?  : )

I am completely baffled.  COMPLETELY BAFFLED.  Not only is choir a wonderful place to be, but it helps one who is growing out their hair do!  : ) See, I needed this (obviously in more ways than one) more than they will ever need me and my little voice. 

I am beginning to think that blogs may have similarities to soap operas (or reality shows) Let’s see:

• both are addicting
• both are stories (truth or not)
• both are on-going
• both can be dramatic
• both have characters
• both bring you in daily for more

I’m sure the list could go on.  Ya know, it’s funny because I don’t have time to watch TV.  There aren’t any shows that I get excited about watching (but sometimes I wish there were so I could escape and veg out when needed).  What I somehow do find time for is my favorite blogs.  How different is a family blog from The Young and the Restless?  I bet the show even has a blog just incase you are online instead on on the couch.  Ok, I know that family blogs don’t talk much about the same type of drama but just as TV makes money on commercials, blogs make money on advertisements.  I love to see the new stuff on my favorite blogs, just as some love to see a new episode. 

What have I gotten myself in to?  : )

What will be the next “distraction?”

Do you think that I would be able to watch some TV if I chose that over catching up on blogs (or the oodles of research I always seem to find myself doing)?  One distraction or another, its all the same.  Unfortunately, I am prey and I have fallen right in the trap (and look, here I am with this blog here and this blog as ways to reach out and stay connected or keep track of my ramblings).  Needless to say, I don’t watch soap operas but I do read blogs.  I feel, it’s all the same…

Here is that birthday girl!  She was sweet to want pictures with us.  We were struggling with having enough light, thank goodness I didn’t give my camera to a complete stranger this time-my fellow friend and lover of photography, Candice Cook, took our picture. 

ISO: 6400 (thanks to the 5D for that)

50mm/1.4 (I love this lens!)

1/80 sec (any slower we may have needed a tripod or something very stable and creative)

Thanks again Lettie!

It happened again, Lettie had a birthday.  She loves to put on her very own small and quaint birthday party so she knows exactly what to expect and it is everything she could hope for.  Smart girl!  Anyhow, it was amazing of course, but it was also relaxing and wonderful.  It was a present for me just as it was for her.  We had a delicious dinner at Chelsea’s Kitchen, went to see Leap Year , then spent the night at this hotel where we laughed while wearing the same PJ’s (thanks to Lettie-wait a minute, whose birthday was it?  Why was she handing out all the gifts?) and jumping on the beds (while using my wide angle lens and laughing at the distortions that were possible).  Then at midnight or so, we needed water and visited the local Walgreens (in our PJ’s but with the added flare of boots and sweaters and whatever else we had on while we were out to dinner). 

I slept so wonderfully!  The Doubletree had an awesome breakfast and then we headed out for the main attraction and purpose behind Lettie’s gathering… The Camelback Spa  I’m sure I posted about this last year, as this is her birthday tradition.  We did a little exercise, relaxed next to the pool, ate at Sprouts (all while in our oh so comfortable robes) and then went in for our individual treatment.  Mine-a facial.

Lettie, it was glorious and so perfect.  Thanks for allowing me to join your birthday party.  Thanks for doing so much for us.  Thanks for showing me what a real spa experience is really all about!

(how are you feeling about all my links?  Its the way of the future and just trying to keep up.  no, I just made that up but maybe its true?)

Enjoy some photos (how many is too many?) of our 24 hour experience… (its lots and they are big on my new blog so it seems like even more but just laugh along with us!)  See special notes below:

1. I am trusting complete strangers (more often) with my camera

2. complete strangers like to be in the picture (check out the lounge one of our group-thought it was funny)

3. nobody was injured while jumping on the bed

4. notice how much energy is at the end

5. I hold my camera in a very strange way

6. the melting chocolate pictures were awesome but didn’t make the cut-too many to chose from

7. where is Monchichi? and the lounge looks orangish/pinkish…

8. somebody looks like Monchichi

9. we were quiet most of the time…  : )

10. Lettie attempted the pool and no her booty is not on fire on the last picture

it was a long post… phew.  Some pictures remind me of stories that I want to keep forever!

While watching Zane do the potty jig, I asked him, “Zane, do you need to go potty?”  He responds, “No, my feet are just dancing.”  I hear this at least every other day!  How old do you need to be to stop for a potty break before the holding it in gets painful and causes a dance?

Who doesn’t need to start their day off with something funny?  If you add  The Meanest Mom to your daily dose of blog reading, you will laugh and totally relate in some way, shape or form.  I love her stories!  It is good to laugh at someone else’s story since it is not your own.  I think I laugh because I can totally relate or maybe I have been there myself. 

Think of all the things we say that will never happen or we will never do… then you live life and you do all the things that you said you never would do.  Humbling…  and funny!