I watched Julie & Julia yesterday.  Let me tell you what a treat it was to sit on the couch, socks keeping my feet warm, house quiet.  It was an indulgence that I was truly enjoying.  I was reminded that I rarely take time to sit.  Anyhow, the movie was wonderful-about food and writing.  A great combination.  I realized that I think like Julie.  She was always so anxious to write.  She wanted to appease her people (except I don’t have people).  She loved to write.  She loved to document.  She loved to have commitments and stick to them.  Her husband referred to her as narcissistic-Tim hasn’t said that yet but he did tell me that I needed to stop thinking the world wouldn’t go around if I didn’t pay attention to QCF or the blog.  WHAT?  People don’t need me?  I could melt into the woodwork and nobody would notice? I don’t write for people, I write for me but in a weird sense that somebody is waiting to hear what I have to say… like my kids are sitting by the fire in their old age reading my stories and anxious to get to the next.  It is a good feeling to be needed (even if you make it up yourself) and not a good feeling to NOT be needed.  I try to write often, not to get far behind.  Some months are better than others and some seasons are better than others.  Sometimes I can’t stop talking and others I can’t think of what to say.  This season and month happens to be a “not so much to say” type of month.  I am busy and trying to juggle it all.  I am always trying to find ways to cut back.  But for now even though I am allowed to think that people need this-my writing- I know it isn’t true and so sitting back for a bit is fine.  It doesn’t need to be on the to do list.  It doesn’t need to be something that I am concerned about getting done.

I do want to take time to read, to walk, to listen and write when I can…  : )