Something quite interesting happened over here… I thought I was being a good mommy (already discussed that problem before) and suggested strongly that my daughter need not eat more chocolate chips.  She had requested chocolate chip pancakes for breakfast and I happily obliged.  Then, she walked by the kitchen more times than normal,  grabbing little fists full of chocolate chips.  I wondered about her frequent visits to the kitchen in that short time span until I saw the action.  You can only imagine my reply, “That is enough chocolate chips.  There is only so much sugar that should start your day.”  Not too crazy right?  Then, without even thinking, I turned to the bag of chocolate chip cookies that we made the night before and ate three.  Yep, three.  (Do I dare mention that the three were in addition to the six I had the night before?)  I’m telling you, this happens all the day long.  I say one thing and then realize that I expect so much from them that I don’t even execute myself, especially when it comes to nutrition.  I teach one thing but do another.

Was I following her example or expecting her to follow mine?  My actions were speaking so loudly, she couldn’t hear what I said.  Those actions said something like, “Have as much chocolate and sugar that you want, your mom does!”  Embarrassing, again. Chocolate isn’t my only problem… and that isn’t my point!  How about spending and adhering to the budget?  I tell those observant ones in my home that, “We aren’t stopping at McDonalds because we have already used our family allowance for the week,” (good mommy move, teaching about budgeting and that money doesn’t grow on trees) and then make an exception and go out for dinner because I don’t want to cook (then teaching them that a budget really is just an excuse, not a rule or boundary, and quite possibly the tree just sprouted some new branches).  What is worse… leaving out the budget lesson all together or teaching them how to make it and break it, every time?   [deep sigh]

I am participating in a group on FB and there is an assigned value each month.  This month is honesty.  The group encourages the parents to really focus on practicing what is preached.  I have realized that I think I’m honest (another survival story) but there are quite a few white lies in my day.  How about when my kids hear me say something on the phone that isn’t true?  “I am not able to do that right now, I am about to leave for an appointment,” and then hang up the phone (still in my PJ’s) and get back on the computer.  How about simply yelling from across the room when the phone is about to be answered, “If it is for me, I’m not here.”  (I don’t really do that, BUT somebody else in this home does and I’ll give you a hint; its a boy.) How about not telling the story exactly how it happened?  If  my children were in my presence for the actual story to happen and hear me tell the happenings with a twist, I would venture to guess that they learn a little tiny bit more about convenient honesty, or maybe some good story telling tips?

I am a prime example of this inefficiency.  That word makes me feel better than dishonesty or inconsistency or even lack of integrity?  In quiet, reflective moments, (which I rarely have, it’s no wonder that I fall short) I can more clearly see these things and I want to declare a mulligan.   I want another chance to do it right, to say the right thing and then be an example of what is right instead of wrong or somewhere in between.  I am the monkey, they are watching me.